You Can't Get There From Here

Google Maps and the hills of Pittsburgh need to work a little harder to express Pittsburgh three dimensionally. Wednesday afternoon I planned to take the greyhound home to Cleveland. Before I left, David (CBH) reminded me that the greyhound station moved to Second Ave. He told me how he had to hop fences and go through the ghetto. I decided to look on the Internet and make my own directions. I looked on Google Maps to plan my attack. I figure I'll get off of the 61A at 5th and Chatham and then walk over to Forbes and then walk through the Duquesne campus.

Now, if I had a better map, or knew Pittsburgh better, I would have realized Duquesne was on top of a mountain and that I was an idiot. If you look at the map, you'll see that I planned to turn left onto S. 10th St. from Chatham Sq. That would have worked if Pittsburgh was two dimensional. Turns out, S. 10th St. is a tunnel that goes under the campus. I did not know this at the time. So what I thought was S. 10th St. was actually McAnulty St. which took me to Bluff St. Can you imagine why Bluff St. is named Bluff St.? I'll give you a hint; it's on a bluff, a cliff, a 100ft drop.

I was walking up McAnulty and ahead of me; all I saw was Blue sky and a railing. I thought that this couldn’t be good. I walk up to the fence and look out and I see the river and highways stacked below me. Off to my left and down, down, down, sure enough was the Greyhound station. I couldn't believe it. I was so close, yet so far. I considered the possibility of either rappelling, or possible hang gliding, but neither seemed like good ideas. I did remember that there was a Duquesne walkway that went over Boulevard of the Allies, but I didn't know if the stairs went all of the way down. I walked for 5 minutes and found the walkway. I could see stairs but I couldn't see past the highway.

I walk across this rickety bridge and over to the stairs. The stairs looked like they went on forever. I had to catch the bus is 25 minutes, I had no other option. So, I start down the stairs and walk for what seemed to be miles of stairs. At one point I stopped, turned around, but couldn't see the top of the stairs anymore. I finally made it to the bottom and saw a sign for the greyhound station.

I crossed the street, but the signed pointed down a long ramp and I could see that I would have to come all of the way back again. Instead, I hopped the fence and climbed down the steep, sandy, embankment to the parking lot. I walked to the front gate, but the sign read, NO PEDESRANS BEYOND THIS POINT, USE BIKE TRIAL. I thought, oh, this must be for busses only. There's probably an entrance for people around the side.

I walk along the bike trail next to the river and on my right, fenced in, is the back side of Greyhound. I could see all of the buses but no way in. I reached the end of the fence and the Greyhound lot was adjacent to another fenced in lot, i.e. a jail. I decided to make my way to the other side through bushes and weeds and on the other side, there was still no entrance. The only thing there was, was a ramp to go back up. I thought, ah hell nah! I started up the ramp. To my right was the Greyhound station and before that was a 6 foot drop. I said screw it, threw my bag down and hopped over, inside the fence. I walked around to the front and finally made it inside.

I bought my ticket in time with 15 minutes left and sat down. It was a nice building; you just can't get there from here. ROFLCOPTER, where were you then?