Why Men Are Happier Than Women!
This isn't my list, but I've added a few at the bottom.
1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
Addendum:
36. No PMS
37. No talking, only hitting to solve problems (I hit Joe all of the time)
38. We can hold our liquor better or more of it
39. That goes for food too...mmm, wings
40. Less stress in positions of authority
41. Can't be a bitch, only an ass or a dick, which is more fun for others
42. Wait in line for the restroom is very short
43. Get carded less (so far it has seemed that way)
44. Can control a screw gun better (more force applied = larger torque)
46. We're much smarter
45. Did you catch that?
47. Boys may be stupid, but girls are annoying (put a sock in it)
48. When we live together, we don't get insane, only cooler
49. The reason Helen Keller can't drive
50. Women jokes aren't so much jokes as they are suggestions or how it should be
(I'm going to get it for this post)
1 Comments:
A TOMBOY'S TAKE:
1. We keep our last name. *That's what hypens are for.*
2. The garage is all ours. *Connor, I know more about cars than you do.*
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves. *Yes, when we get YOUR parents to hire a wedding planner.*
4. Chocolate is just another snack. *I've seen many a guy chow down snickers and kit kats.*
5. We can be president. *I just don't WANT to be.*
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. *Hey. That's how we control you men.*
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth. *True.*
8. The world is our urinal. *Touche.*
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. *What girls are you talking about here?.*
10. Same work, more pay.*Not if you know how to work the system.*
11. Wrinkles add character. *And you need Viagra after 30 years.*
12. Wedding dress *Yeah that does suck.*
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them. *I'm Gloria Ironbox and I'm suing you for sexual harassment.*
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. *Talk to my sisters about that one. Bethany can burp the ABCs.*
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet. *I own three pairs of shoes. None of them hurt.*
16. One mood, ALL the time. *My ex was moodier than Martha Stewart surfing the crimson wave.*
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. *Have you talked to Joe on the phone?*
18. We know stuff about tanks. *I know more than you.*
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. *Ditto.*
20. We can open all our own jars. *You open things for us. Who's in charge of whom?*
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. *Que?*
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend. *Now you're just making up stuff.*
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. *Perhaps, but we can get you to buy our underwear for us if we were so inclined.*
24. Everything on our face stays its original color. *Not all girls are Christina Aguilera.*
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.*See # 15*
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. *Are these so-called girls illiterate, too?*
27. We almost never have strap problems in public *Yes, but you readjust your junk every 5 minutes.*
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes. *There are advantages to being neat.*
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades. *Oh yes, that mullet is really classy today.*
30. We don't have to shave below our neck. *But you have to shave your face and get more haircuts, more often.*
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips. *You want to spread your seed? Well thank our big hips for that.*
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. *Yawn.*
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife. *Good for you. Have fun when you cut yourself. And you will.*
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. *This one is plan idiotic.*
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes. *Congratulations for being a moron.*
Addendum:
36. No PMS *Connorkins, that was #16 dear.*
37. No talking, only hitting to solve problems (I hit Joe all of the time)*I can hit harder than Connor.*
38. We can hold our liquor better or more of it *I challenge you to a beer duel. Come to the CZ and it's on. NAZDRAVE!*
39. That goes for food too...mmm, wings *We'll have a wing-off some day too.*
40. Less stress in positions of authority *What? Oh Connor. The wheel is turning, but the hampster is dead.*
41. Can't be a bitch, only an ass or a dick, which is more fun for others *How is you acting like your genitalia fun?*
42. Wait in line for the restroom is very short *I will give you this one.*
43. Get carded less (so far it has seemed that way)*Eh.*
44. Can control a screw gun better (more force applied = larger torque) *I'll give YOU a screw gun.*
46. We're much smarter *You keep thinking that, dear.*
45. Did you catch that? *Tak ano.*
47. Boys may be stupid, but girls are annoying (put a sock in it)
48. When we live together, we don't get insane, only cooler *This I will give you, too. Girls are annoying when they live together.*
49. The reason Helen Keller can't drive *ha ha. That is just funny.*
50. Women jokes aren't so much jokes as they are suggestions or how it should be *Sometimes.*
(I'm going to get it for this post)- Yes. Connor. This does not apply to all women, merely the blonde, idiotic asshats. Can we agree on that?
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